On later viewings I don't lilke the way Ennis treats Alma. I mean he has the audacity to say
"once burned" to her about the divorce when he said "if you don't want my kids I would
be happy to leave you alone" and all she said was she'd have them if they could be supported.
I mean she deserved to be loved, and at least I would hope he would understand that.
And even though we love this scene, and I hope I am not on sacred ground here, but kissing Jack right in eye shot of her like that was...well sort of a dig in a way.
Sigh. I think this is one of the tragedies that the movie is trying to get across. I agree with you that Alma deserved to be loved, just as Jack and Ennis deserved to be together and live happily ever after; but society put all of these people into a terrible, no-win situation (or, dare I say it, a God-damned bitch of an unsatisfactory situation!). Jack and Ennis both felt forced by society to maintain the appearance of a traditional, heterosexual marriage. The only alternative was to risk being brutally murdered, as Ennis was forced to witness at a young age.
I also agree that the kissing scene right out in plain sight was not very bright, but keep in mind that Annie Proulx described Jack and Ennis as "uneducated, inarticulate boys", not Harvard grads! Considering that they hadn't seen each other for some time, their reaction should have come as no surprise. They weren't thinking with their heads (not the big ones, anyway).
As for the bedroom scene when Ennis and Alma were talking about kids, I think by that time, both of them were feeling frustrated and unhappy with the whole situation; but there was just no easy way out, and there lies the rub. I think their poverty and desperation led both of them to say unkind things to each other.
It's no wonder that Annie Proulx said of the story:
"While I was working on this story, I was occasionally close to tears. I felt guilty that their lives were so difficult, yet there was nothing I could do about it. It couldn't end any other way."
That's why BBM is taking the country, and the world, by storm: it's a classic tragedy, with the star-crossed lovers doomed from the start by forces beyond their control. The Bard, himself, would have been proud to pen such a story! "For never was a tale of more woe ...."