This line from SS wasn't introduced in the movie, but I am curious about Ennis's mind. The film left out many important details from the SS. The SS motel scene sets the course for the remainder of their relationship.
Ennis says much to Jack in this SS scene that is not revealed in the film:
- I didn't know where in the hell you was. Four years. I about give up on you. I figured you was sore about that punch.
- I was sittin up here all that time tryin to figure out if I was—? I know I ain’t. I mean here we both got wives and kids, right? I like doin it with women, yeah, but Jesus H., ain’t nothin like this. I never had no thoughts a doin it with another guy except I sure wrang it out a hunderd times thinkin about you.
- You do it with other guys? Jack?
- That summer. When we split up after we got paid out I had gut cramps so bad I pulled over and tried to puke, thought I ate somethin bad at that place in Dubois. Took me about a year a figure out it was that I shouldn’t a let you out a my sights. Too late then by a long, long while.
- I don’t want a be like them guys you see around sometimes.
- I goddamn hate it that you’re goin a drive away in the mornin and I’m goin back to work. But if you can’t fix it you got a stand it.
- I been lookin at people on the street. This happen a other people? What the hell do they do?
After departing from Jack in 1963. it took him a year to figure out that his gut cramps were because of Jack, and that he shouldn't have let Jack out of his sight. Even so, he remains in his shell. Ask yourself why it took about a year for Ennis to realize he should never have let Jack out of his sights.
Jack and Ennis married and had kids because they believed that's what cowboys were supposed to do. Each assumed he'd be content once he settled into the "normal" married-with-children life. But it didn't work out that way. Do the math. Jack and Ennis split up around August 20, 1963 and about a year later, in Sept. 1964, Ennis's first child was born. It was around the time Ennis's 1st child was born that he realized that he should never have let Jack out of his sights. However, it was "too late then by a long, long while."
First excuse is Alma&kids which I can completely accept... even it was obvious that life with Alma was far away from his ideal life, but he felt responsible, he felt he had a duty to stay with his family and that I can accept. But when his fragile marriage fell apart, he still refused Jack's offer for their life together, somewhere, anywhere...Ennis does not make "excuses" not to live with Jack. Ennis would like to live with Jack, but he simply doesn't believe it's possible. Ennis expresses his frustration when tells Jack: “I goddamn hate it that you’re goin a drive away in the mornin and I’m goin back to work. But if you can’t fix it you got a stand it. Shit. I been lookin at people on the street. This happen a other people? What the hell do they do?”
Jack answers: “It don’t happen in Wyomin and if it does I don’t know what they do, maybe go to Denver.” Even Jack doesn't seem to believe two guys could live together in Wyoming, though he may believe it would be easier in a big city.
One year of gut crimps were not enough for him to realise who he should be with and what is the only "sweet life" for him? Ennis did not say he had gut cramps for an entire year following the split. He said it took him about a year to realize that he shouldn't have let Jack out of his sights. However, it was "too late then by a long, long while."
Why on earth he mentioned staying with Jack in that motel room if obviously he always manage to find a way out of that? First was Alma, later his childhood fear... but all this reasons were there at the very moment he mentioned the possibility to stay with Jack. Even so, he said it! And this words are not just some babbling. This words have a significant importance! But... they never come true! IMO, there's no visible reason for Ennis to develop such a fear towards Life with Jack.Ennis and Jack went to the motel to finish what they'd only begun on the apartment landing. Ennis never suggested that he and Jack live together. It was Jack who suggested they live together. You do not see things the way Jack and Ennis did because you did not grow up in rural homophobic Wyoming in the 40s and 50s and 60s. Even as adults, they continued to live in rural, homophobic communities.
Is there any condition that would have satisfied Ennis and help him decide about "sweet life" with Jack?No. Ennis was extremely homophobic. More so than Jack. This is clear from Ennis's responses to Jack's suggestion that they ranch together: "I don't want a be like them guys you see around sometimes. And I don't want a be dead. Two guys livin together? No. All I can see is we get together once in a while way the hell out in the back a nowhere—"
When Lureen tells Ennis about Jack accidental death, Ennis isn't sure whether it was a real accident or "the tire iron."
Later, Jack's father tells Ennis:
Jack used a say, ‘Ennis del Mar,’ he used a say, ‘I’m goin a bring him up here one a these days and we’ll lick this damn ranch into shape.’ He had some half-baked idea the two a you was goin a move up here, build a log cabin, and help me run this ranch and bring it up. Then this spring he’s got another one’s goin a come up here with him and build a place and help run the ranch, some ranch neighbor a his from down in Texas. He’s goin a split up with his wife and come back here.
Ennis's primary reaction upon learning that Jack was already in a relationship with another man when he told Ennis "I wish I knew how to quit you", was not hurt or betrayal, but conviction that Jack's death was not an accident. "So now he knew it had been the tire iron."
For Ennis, Jack's death was proof that two men cannot live together.
This is a story about long-lasting love subjected to the destructiveness of rural homophobia. Jack and Ennis are themselves homophobic.
They are products of their time and their rural homophobic environment. Their story is not a story that can be fixed. And if you can't fix it, you've got to stand it.
