Author Topic: Betrayal and Renewal  (Read 19799 times)

Offline tpe

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Betrayal and Renewal
« on: Feb 28, 2006, 02:36 PM »
No part of the movie is more volatile and more jarring than the initial scenes in the laundrymat apartment between Ennis, Jack, and Alma.

In most viewings, the audience always laughed uncomfortably when Alma sees Ennis and Jack kissing.  I have also talked to women friend who were outraged at Ennis' treatment of Alma in these scenes.

Personally, I was too happy for Jack and Ennis to care much about how Alma was affected.  This is cruel of me to say, but this is an honest admission on my part.

How did you feel for the characters during these scenes?  Did you feel Alma's pain, or did you were too enveloped in Ennis's and Jack's rediscovery and renewal?

Offline chameau

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #1 on: Feb 28, 2006, 04:43 PM »
No part of the movie is more volatile and more jarring than the initial scenes in the laundrymat apartment between Ennis, Jack, and Alma.

In most viewings, the audience always laughed uncomfortably when Alma sees Ennis and Jack kissing.  I have also talked to women friend who were outraged at Ennis' treatment of Alma in these scenes.

Personally, I was too happy for Jack and Ennis to care much about how Alma was affected.  This is cruel of me to say, but this is an honest admission on my part.

How did you feel for the characters during these scenes?  Did you feel Alma's pain, or did you were too enveloped in Ennis's and Jack's rediscovery and renewal?

I usualy have tears for her when she is left alone in her kitchen, crying, holding Alma Jr. The boys are on their way to their first ''fishing trip''.
La dictature c'est ''ferme ta geule'', la démocratie c'est ''cause toujours''
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Offline Tom

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #2 on: Feb 28, 2006, 04:52 PM »
No part of the movie is more volatile and more jarring than the initial scenes in the laundrymat apartment between Ennis, Jack, and Alma.

In most viewings, the audience always laughed uncomfortably when Alma sees Ennis and Jack kissing.  I have also talked to women friend who were outraged at Ennis' treatment of Alma in these scenes.

Personally, I was too happy for Jack and Ennis to care much about how Alma was affected.  This is cruel of me to say, but this is an honest admission on my part.

How did you feel for the characters during these scenes?  Did you feel Alma's pain, or did you were too enveloped in Ennis's and Jack's rediscovery and renewal?

I usualy have tears for her when she is left alone in her kitchen, crying, holding Alma Jr. The boys are on their way to their first ''fishing trip''.
Actually, "life does get better than this"

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #3 on: Feb 28, 2006, 04:55 PM »
Bit ashamed to say but I haven't shed a tear for Alma or Lureen - the emotion i feel for Ennis and Jack tends to overshadow my emotion towards them. Its not that i don't feel sympathy for them (especially Alma) its just that its more detached - i don't feel THAT involved in it. Does this make any sense ???

Offline Tom

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #4 on: Feb 28, 2006, 04:59 PM »
I usualy have tears for her when she is left alone in her kitchen, crying, holding Alma Jr. The boys are on their way to their first ''fishing trip''.

I too am very upset for Alma in this scene. It makes it more understandable in the Jack Nasty scene. Michelle has it down just right. The pent up rage of all those years. Phew it is a wonder to watch her at these two points in the film.

When I first discussed this movie with family, friends and workmates. They all said either "Oh , the Gay Cowboy Movie" or the "Gay Love Story".

I always from git go, told people this was a Universal love story  of Passion, love, loss, regret, chances missed and above all betrayal and infidelity. The betrayals affect everyone in the movie. Even Jack betrays and is unfaithful by his actions in Mexico and with the ranch manager.

I was always acutley aware of the effect on Alma, but put it on the back burner as I was so caught up in the relationship between Jack and Ennis.

Their story was paramount, but I was always saad for Alma and Lureen.

Tom
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Offline jimmypage

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #5 on: Feb 28, 2006, 06:08 PM »
Bit ashamed to say but I haven't shed a tear for Alma or Lureen - the emotion i feel for Ennis and Jack tends to overshadow my emotion towards them. Its not that i don't feel sympathy for them (especially Alma) its just that its more detached - i don't feel THAT involved in it. Does this make any sense ???

Same for me.
Being honest I feel very (VERY) little  sympathy for Alma
and  just a little more for Lureen..
But I love Ennis, I'm Ennis... so excuse me

Offline LuvJackNasty

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #6 on: Feb 28, 2006, 06:38 PM »
 The first time I alternated between being so happy for them and then when they showed Alma I thought "Damn that's F'd up" and then quickly forgot about that because I was caught up in their moment and that kiss!. {Sigh!} In the next two viewings I was even more engrossed in that kiss that I didn't even think about Alma seeing them. I feel sorry for everyone involved because no one deserved what happened to them, but almost all of my sympathy goes to Jack and Ennis.
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Offline rikcub

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #7 on: Feb 28, 2006, 10:14 PM »
No part of the movie is more volatile and more jarring than the initial scenes in the laundrymat apartment between Ennis, Jack, and Alma.

In most viewings, the audience always laughed uncomfortably when Alma sees Ennis and Jack kissing.  I have also talked to women friend who were outraged at Ennis' treatment of Alma in these scenes.

Personally, I was too happy for Jack and Ennis to care much about how Alma was affected.  This is cruel of me to say, but this is an honest admission on my part.

How did you feel for the characters during these scenes?  Did you feel Alma's pain, or did you were too enveloped in Ennis's and Jack's rediscovery and renewal?

After six viewings I can say that in most (not all) there was uncomfortable giggling when Alma caught Jack and Ennis...truly I felt sad for her at that point.  She got a punch in the stomach from literally out of nowhere.  She just seems so sad and hurt and confused.  Having said all that.....I have to admit and agree with you....I am SO damn happy for Jack and Ennis (maybe because as a gay man I am rooting for them to find each other) that their excitment was all I really cared about.   You know as I think about it that is why this is such a moving and great film....all these emotions in one scene....GO ANG and ANNIE!

Offline rod1960

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #8 on: Feb 28, 2006, 10:18 PM »
When Ennis introduces Jack to Alma, that pitiful little "hello" always gets to me.

Offline BBBOY

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #9 on: Feb 28, 2006, 10:43 PM »
My heart goes out to all the women who have been lied to and betrayed by men who could not face up to who and what they are. I've spent a lot of time talking online to these men and also talking to the women. I made a decision years ago that I could not do this to a woman who was so clearly my soulmate. There is no easy answer to this situation. You can say the guy was callow, the girl should have seen it. Life is rarely that easy and in the end too many get hurt, the couple, the kids, the extended family. What it comes down to is being able to be honest with yourself. Hell, I wanted kids. It was the hardest thing I had to face when I accepted that I was gay.......I was not gonna have kids. I let my ego go, had to.  I would have been a great dad, I know that, but the times were not right and I was not gonna put my lady through the hell I knew I would have had to had I persued it. To me it's a no brainer but I understand to others it's not. At least Ennis has his girls, which is more than I say for a number of bi guys I've talked to online. Just a silly observation.  Peace
There was some open space between what he knew and what he tried to believe, but nothing could be done about it, and if you can't fix it you've got to stand it.

Ennis, riding against the wind back to the sheep in the treacherous, drunken darken light, thought he'd never had such a good time, felt he could paw the white out of the moon.

Offline frenchcda

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #10 on: Feb 28, 2006, 11:19 PM »
For the Love of god, have you not seen the movie?

Ennis and Jack did kiss at the bottom of the stairs, and we all know Alma saw them, BUT they ( Ennis and Jack ) did not see Alma, so how on earth can they have acted so indifferent to Alma, when they didn't know they had been seen,
 I sure would act as normal as possible and somewhat secretive about the all kissing to my wife ,
 not her knowing,
 in the book it says they were both shaking the floor as if the train had railroaded a stop, or in similar manners.
 I sympathize with people who feel sorry for Alma, but she didn't let Ennis know about her knowledge and her suspicion until years had passed and water flowed under the bridge


Please excuse my French, but she endured and said nothing so it was the sign of the times and the circumstance surrounding  her life, and as for Laureen well we can write a chapter on that one, the girl was a bit on the easy side of the track if you get my meaning, daddy's little girl wasn't such an angel. She was shrewd and became wiser and knew damn well soon enough of her hubby little escapade, that she nearly got him shot fooling around, so you know at the end she was very controlling and misereable to a point that she couldn't bare the fact that he was doing the nasty with some dude, she got all the matter taken care of after daddy died. that is my take on it, it maybe harsh but it is what it is.

That been said, I can sympathies with men who are dishonnest with their wife and the same with wifes that have been lied at, in the overall schema of thing, my own personal experience made me leave my friend and I send him back to his wife,
not because I didn't love him,
 but because he couldn't live with the fact that his daugthers might one day find out that daddy left mommy for a guy,
 the guy they had come to know and respect, now had become the one that destroyed their lives.
 At the end the price too pay for me had I know I would have never left him and would have left his wife and kids deal with it,
 my life ended in the gutter and the suffering is still so much part of my memory,
 it is truly worth it to go on assuming and pretending you are something you are not just to please the greater part of society, I say no and f***ck the world, I am so tired of the masses dictating people such as I what we should or shouldn't be, let it be, he have a right to love and a right to live as much as any other human being.
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Offline septuaginarian

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #11 on: Mar 01, 2006, 11:54 AM »
My heart goes out to you, BBBOY and frenchcda, Our stories are exactly those that make BBM such a powerful  movie to us.

Hell, I wanted kids. It was the hardest thing I had to face when I accepted that I was gay.......I was not gonna have kids. I let my ego go, had to.  I would have been a great dad, I know that, but the times were not right and I was not gonna put my lady through the hell I knew I would have had to had I persued it.  . . .   Peace

I don’t know how old either of you are, but BBBOY, I hope you will keep looking for, and find, a woman who will love you and give you kids. If she is a generous woman and really loves you, you can tell her about yourself, if you don’t make a big deal out of it, and she will accept you, especially if she understands it's not your fault and has nothing to do with her. I think Alma really loved Ennis and would have had him if he had told her the truth about himself sooner rather than her having to wait four years to find out and then keep quiet about her knowledge for years. Maybe truth was possible in their situation—maybe not. But the second time I saw the movie I recognized the deepest pain on Alma's face. I think Michelle Williams richly deserves the Oscar nomination for letting us see that.


my own personal experience made me leave my friend and I send him back to his wife,
not because I didn't love him, but because he couldn't live with the fact that his daugthers might one day find out that daddy left mommy for a guy,


Friend, frenchcda, I hope you will find another friend, one you will not have to share with an uptight family man, who will be more worthy of you than this one was.

Married, I had the great luck of finding the right woman, whom I told about myself (there was quite a lot of suffering), and was loved and accepted anyway, and have kids. (They are adults and if they don't already know they wouldn't be surprised or care if they found out.) I haven’t had any high altitude f**ks in over thirty years, not because of morals or ethics or fear of cheating on my wife or on a man, but because I found that in doing so I was the one who was cheated on, and that however hard I tried I could not live two lives.

Peace, indeed, friends, BBBOY and frenchcda.

May ministering angels enfold you with outstretched wings.
« Last Edit: Mar 01, 2006, 12:15 PM by septuaginarian »
septuaginarian

Offline rod1960

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #12 on: Mar 01, 2006, 10:04 PM »
This "is" a fictional story, but if it were real I don't think Alma would have lasted a year with Ennis. Why would she? Why would she hold her tongue for so long?  That part of the story never rang true to me.

Offline ethan

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #13 on: Mar 01, 2006, 10:30 PM »
This "is" a fictional story, but if it were real I don't think Alma would have lasted a year with Ennis. Why would she? Why would she hold her tongue for so long?  That part of the story never rang true to me.

I think it is quite real. If you have a chance to see several interviews, Alma was confused given the context of that time. Her love and care are what kept her. Over time, you could see her changes leading to their divorce.
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Offline rod1960

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #14 on: Mar 01, 2006, 10:47 PM »
I'm confused, you think BBM is a true story?

Offline BBBOY

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #15 on: Mar 01, 2006, 11:02 PM »
[[/quote]

I don’t know how old either of you are, but BBBOY, I hope you will keep looking for, and find, a woman who will love you and give you kids. If she is a generous woman and really loves you, you can tell her about yourself, if you don’t make a big deal out of it, and she will accept you, especially if she understands it's not your fault and has nothing to do with her. I think Alma really loved Ennis and would have had him if he had told her the truth about himself sooner rather than her having to wait four years to find out and then keep quiet about her knowledge for years. Maybe truth was possible in their situation—maybe not. But the second time I saw the movie I recognized the deepest pain on Alma's face. I think Michelle Williams richly deserves the Oscar nomination for letting us see that.

Quote

I think 59 is way to old to start a family but thanks for your good thoughts.
There was some open space between what he knew and what he tried to believe, but nothing could be done about it, and if you can't fix it you've got to stand it.

Ennis, riding against the wind back to the sheep in the treacherous, drunken darken light, thought he'd never had such a good time, felt he could paw the white out of the moon.

Offline Cowboy Cody

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #16 on: Mar 01, 2006, 11:03 PM »
People have stayed in loveless marriages for ages. I would daresay more have than those who have gotten out for one reason or another. I have an Aunt, the marriage was in shambles for 20 years. Finally hung it out to dry, thank god, but yes, it's very plausible to believe that they would have stayed together that long.
You were goin' up there to go fishin'....NO SHIT! GIMME SEX!

Offline Tom

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #17 on: Mar 02, 2006, 03:08 PM »
I'm confused, you think BBM is a true story?

We all know it is a work of fiction  ??? But there are many people ( women ) who married gay men , found out and stayed with them.

There are Oprah or Rikki or Montel  shows in the USA, or Trisha here in the UK. If you were to come to Edinburgh I could take you to 2 peoples homes immediately were this very thing happened in the 60's. The wifes are still there. Sometimes people can't chose who they love.

It is different today than it was then, women in the 60's and 70's didn't have the parity with men than they do today. Now women don't rely on men as they did then. Alma had 2 children at that point in the story. She probably stayed for them. When she divorced Ennis in the 70's it was at a time in US and UK history when women were demanding and rightly getting equality.

Tom
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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #18 on: Mar 02, 2006, 03:35 PM »
First of all I havent seen the film yet, so am going on what happens in the book. I really dont care for Alma and the way she treated Ennis, if it was me I would have said something to him sooner, i would want him to sit and talk to me, share his feelings, and I would be understanding and supportive and I wouldnt feel betrayed. I feel in the book Alma was sneeky and mean with the note on the fishing line, that got me angry and I really felt for Ennis, and I really felt for him when Alma confronts him in the book, I just wanted to hug him then and say its okay.

Offline Russianman

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #19 on: Mar 02, 2006, 05:16 PM »

How did you feel for the characters during these scenes?  Did you feel Alma's pain, or did you were too enveloped in Ennis's and Jack's rediscovery and renewal?
et
I just feel so happy for Ennis and Jack and I always cry because it is a great and rare thing when 2 loving souls meet after 4 years. I partly understand Alma's feelings but let us assume she did not see them kissing. Would she be so upset then if her husband went away for a couple of days with his buddy whom he had not seen for 4 years? There are som posessive women who do not want to have their husbands 100 %. They are upset even if their husbands go jogging for half an hour. They can be happy only if their husbands sit next to them. Is Alma such type?
Yea, well try this one and I'll say it  just once!

Offline Cowboy Cody

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #20 on: Mar 02, 2006, 07:29 PM »
I don't think Alma was 'clingy' in that sense. But I do think she felt as if she was being left behind. And let's be honest, there wasn't much to look forward too in that town, so when her husband gets to go away for a few days, she would feel left out. That being said, he still should of ran off, built a cabin, and sent a note home, "I won't be back".
You were goin' up there to go fishin'....NO SHIT! GIMME SEX!

Offline BBBOY

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #21 on: Mar 02, 2006, 09:53 PM »
I don't think Alma was 'clingy' in that sense. But I do think she felt as if she was being left behind. And let's be honest, there wasn't much to look forward too in that town, so when her husband gets to go away for a few days, she would feel left out. That being said, he still should of ran off, built a cabin, and sent a note home, "I won't be back".

This is such a heartbreaking topic. From the story you must understand that Alma is as ignorant and unaware of the real world as Ennis was. All she knew was that she love or thought she loved Ennis and he loved her back. They had 2 children together. Then she sees him in the kiss of death with Jack, an afront to the way she was raised and to what she believed she had with this man. Had it been another woman she could have at least fought for him, but how does she fight against what she has just seen?
       When my ex and I were just starting out our 23 years together we had established that we would have an open relationship. Both of us had been burned by suffocating relationships in the past. I told him that the only thing that would bother me was if he ever went with a woman. With another man I at least had a chance to fight back. So what does the f..k do...............he goes and lets himself get picked up by a woman that we both know and then he tells me! It was the only time that I know of but was the first wedge that would eventually end the relationship. Funny thing is he still loves me and hopes for a reconciliation and I've moved way beyond that.  Go figure. 
There was some open space between what he knew and what he tried to believe, but nothing could be done about it, and if you can't fix it you've got to stand it.

Ennis, riding against the wind back to the sheep in the treacherous, drunken darken light, thought he'd never had such a good time, felt he could paw the white out of the moon.

Offline dalemidex

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #22 on: Mar 03, 2006, 10:56 AM »
The one point at which I thought there MAY have been a confrontation about Jack and Ennis was the morning after the hotel room.  When she essentially says why don't you have your friend up here for coffee, I don't see any other reason than a possible confrontation.  Look at Alma.  She doesn't look like she's just trying to be neighborly!  Maybe she wouldn't have had the guts.  Maybe she just wanted to size up this man, or try and figure out what's going on.  See if he really was a "queer" or something. Hard to say.  But I think that was the one chance where maybe it would have all blown up. 

To use a cliche out of context, that was probably Alma's best chance to "fix" it, so she instead slipped into the pattern of standing it for eight years.

This is one of several "what if's" that I have about the movie.  What if Jack had come up again, and it all came out?  She wouldn't necessarily have had to confront. Maybe she'd start crying uncontrollably and it would be clear to Ennis and/or Jack that she knew.  I tend to think that it might not have ended well for them to be "outed" so early and abruptly.  Perhaps even with violence, undoubtedly from Ennis, to wards Alma or Jack.  I don't think Ennis and Jack would have just run away together or anything like that. 
« Last Edit: Mar 03, 2006, 01:15 PM by dalemidex »

Offline tpe

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #23 on: Mar 03, 2006, 11:09 AM »
The one point at which I thought there MAY have been a confrontation about Jack and Ennis was the morning after the hotel room.  When she essentially says why don't you have your friend up here for coffee, I don't see any other reason than a possible confrontation.  Look at Alma.  She doesn't look like she's just trying to be neighborly!  Maybe she wouldn't have had the guts.  Maybe she just wanted to size up this man, or try and figure out what's going on.  See if he reall was a "queer" or something. Hard to say.  But I think that was the one chance where maybe it would have all blown up. 

To use a cliche out of context, that was probably Alma's best chance to "fix" it, so she instead slipped into the pattern of standing it for eight years.

This is one of several "what if's" that I have about the movie.  What if Jack had come up again, and it all came out?  She wouldn't necessarily have had to confront. Maybe she'd start crying uncontrollably and it would be clear to Ennis and/or Jack that she knew.  I tend to think that it might not have ended well for them to be "outed" so early and abruptly.  Perhaps even with viloence, undoubtedly from Ennis, towards Alma or Jack.  I don't think Ennis and Jack would have just run away together or anything like that. 

Excellent.  Thanks.

Offline n061857

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #24 on: Mar 03, 2006, 12:07 PM »
Bit ashamed to say but I haven't shed a tear for Alma or Lureen - the emotion i feel for Ennis and Jack tends to overshadow my emotion towards them. Its not that i don't feel sympathy for them (especially Alma) its just that its more detached - i don't feel THAT involved in it. Does this make any sense ???

Same for me.
Being honest I feel very (VERY) little  sympathy for Alma
and  just a little more for Lureen..
But I love Ennis, I'm Ennis... so excuse me

I am the opposite.  I feel sympathy for Alma, not much for Lureen.  Alma clearly loves Jack and is hurt beyond compare.  As a married woman myself although I felt sorry for Alma, I did not begrudge Ennis at all for following his heart (FOR ONCE) and reacting that way.  Think about the depth of his emotion to let all his guard down and kiss Jack like that in the middle of town.  Although he looks around quickly, he ldoesn't even get out of sigh before he "attacks" Jack.  Compare this to when Jack comes to see him after the divorce.  They are out in the middle of nowhere and Ennis looks nervous just standing there talking to Jack, when a truck goes by.  I never see much emotion from Luree, so I don't feel that sorry for her.                                                                      - Nancy

Offline n061857

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #25 on: Mar 03, 2006, 12:16 PM »
No part of the movie is more volatile and more jarring than the initial scenes in the laundrymat apartment between Ennis, Jack, and Alma.

In most viewings, the audience always laughed uncomfortably when Alma sees Ennis and Jack kissing.  I have also talked to women friend who were outraged at Ennis' treatment of Alma in these scenes.

Personally, I was too happy for Jack and Ennis to care much about how Alma was affected.  This is cruel of me to say, but this is an honest admission on my part.

How did you feel for the characters during these scenes?  Did you feel Alma's pain, or did you were too enveloped in Ennis's and Jack's rediscovery and renewal?

To get another viewpoint I am married woman and have great sympathy for Alma.  As someone has said, it is bad enough to have your husband tocheat on you with another woman let alone a man.  I'm sure Ennis was Alma's "first", and that had to be a big blow to her belief in her own desirabilty.  BUT during that scene I too was rooting for Ennis and Jack.  I always want people to be true to their hearts.                          -Nancy

After six viewings I can say that in most (not all) there was uncomfortable giggling when Alma caught Jack and Ennis...truly I felt sad for her at that point.  She got a punch in the stomach from literally out of nowhere.  She just seems so sad and hurt and confused.  Having said all that.....I have to admit and agree with you....I am SO damn happy for Jack and Ennis (maybe because as a gay man I am rooting for them to find each other) that their excitment was all I really cared about.   You know as I think about it that is why this is such a moving and great film....all these emotions in one scene....GO ANG and ANNIE!

Offline dalemidex

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #26 on: Mar 03, 2006, 01:23 PM »
As for how the crowds have reacted, I've seen it 19 times and perhaps 2 or 3 times was there an audible reaction to Alma opening the door and seeing the kissing.  Once with nervious laughter, twice with gasps.

Never has there been any reaction out loud to the kissing itself on the reunion scene.

Actually, I'm pleased to say that in my 19 viewings there have been little if any inappropriate behavior.

Nobody walked out.
Nobody laughed at any of the man-man intimacy (although one gay guy did an audible Mmmmmmmm at Jake's nude scene)

A very few times I've had people in the audience who laughed at things that were funny but at unfunny times....for example Cassie's line "he even talkes' is funny, and so is Jack's You know friend, this is a gddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation" are both funny lines IF your heart isn't already in your throat from what's going on. 

Nearly always, during the tent scene and the subsequent honeymoon scene (tent #2) and the reunion kiss scene you could hear a pin drop.  Same with the series of gut-wrenching scenes in the last 20 minutes.  Frankly, I find that hopeful and positive.

I've seen it in urban Milwaukee and urban St Louis, plus suburban Milwaukee, Chicago and St Louis, plus the smaller cities of Springfield IL and Sheboygan WI.  Everyplace the audience has been equally appropriate.

Offline Tom

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #27 on: Mar 03, 2006, 04:00 PM »
Dalemidex, I am so happy that you are seeing this movie so many times and people are respectful of it.  It is heartwarming to think that otheres love this film as much as we do.   :)
Actually, "life does get better than this"

Offline jerasjr

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #28 on: Mar 03, 2006, 07:07 PM »
To one whose awareness surpasses and probably knows that I needed to write this:
Am from Nordic/Gemanic stock: stolid, stoic, enduring.
Grew up in a rural farming community with 3 siblings - 8 & 10 years older and 10 years younger.
My sister is a hero...everything that you could ask for in a sibling.  Perhaps she was the reason that I felt so comfortable with females.  Became aware of my inclinations at a relatively early age, but...again, my closest relationshops were with females through many years.  In many ways it was an unsophisticated time, and a non-expressive peiriod.  Eventually I met someone and married...there was affection, closeness and love.  Eventually that faded away as I became more and more aware that my interest lay in males, and told my wife.  After 12 years of marriage, I had taken a big step in to an unknown world.  I am proud that I never cheated during the marriage.  Did I consciously marry to cover my self, no.  Did I marry knowing that there would be betrayal, no.  The reason that I come up with is that it was "expected"  In a time with little expectations, you would marry and you would have children and you would continue in this marriage until death do you part.  Isn't that sad? because it was expected.  With examples of that in my parents and other couples that I knew, why would I expect more?  The only couple that I knew who went beyond that were my sister and her husband, but they were an excepton.  Did I intentionally set out to hurt anyone, no.  But did I?  Yes, but no more than I hurt myself for those many years.  Do I regret it? no, it was a journey that I had to travel.  I have 2 children one of each.  My daughter and her partner are wonderful people.  She decided to live with me at the age of 14, and we have not been far apart from each other since.  My son and I are not exceptionally close, but that is due to some other things, other than me being gay.  Can only say that it has brought me to where I am, and I like myself.  Now if life sees to bring me someone, the Jack of my heart, it would all be wonderful.
"A mountain with a wolf on it stands a little taller."

Offline chameau

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Re: Betrayal and Renewal
« Reply #29 on: Mar 03, 2006, 07:33 PM »
Thanks for sharing your story jerasjr, great post!
La dictature c'est ''ferme ta geule'', la démocratie c'est ''cause toujours''
 Jean-Louis Barrault