Author Topic: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"  (Read 7570 times)

Offline ravenus19

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Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« on: Mar 08, 2006, 08:13 PM »
I just found this on the net:



Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
The following list is meant satirically, and the author of the list does not encourage anyone to actually do any of these things.

1. Steal every can of food in their houses; replace them all with cans of beans.
2. Hold their Oscar statuettes hostage; demand that they pay 1,963 million dollars (for the year Jack and Ennis met) to get them back. Once you have the money, keep the statuettes anyway, and tell them that "if you can't fix it, you've gotta stand it."
3. Find out where they do their laundry. Spatter all their button-down shirts with dark red dye.
4. Change all their official information so that under "Occupation", it reads "Castratin' calves."
5. Hide an electronic device in their houses that will play "The Wings" non-stop until they find it.
6. If they order fish in a restaurant, sneak into the kitchen, steal their food, and replace it with a note that says "You didn't go up there to fish!"
7. Intercept their mail; find any letters they wrote to friends or family and stamp "Deceased" on them with a big red stamp. Then mail them back.
8. Dress up as sheep and camp out in front of their houses. Bah "Yooooouu robbbbbed ussssss" until the police arrest you and take you away.
9. Send a letter to a large newspaper under their name. In the letter, say that you (they) are having psychosomatic illnesses due to the guilt of winning the Oscar, and beg to be allowed to kiss Ang Lee's feet until the pain goes away.
10. Wait until Heath and Michelle's kid starts teething. Then make them babysit.
11. Spray-paint "Paul Haggis was here" on the door of a Mexican male brothel.
12. Wait until they sit down in a public place, then sit down next to them and put your feet in their lap. When they ask what you're doing, say "Trying to get a footrub, dummy."
13. Tell them your mama said the DVD of "Crash" is the devil's right hand.
14. Tell them that every time an undeserving movie wins Best Picture, God spawns a racist.
15. Send them bouquets of roses, with no stems. Tell them to stem the roses.
16. Convince Ted Casablanca to write an article entitled "Makers of 'Crash' Found in Orgy with Toothy Tile."
17. Tell them their movie "isn't the stud duck. It's more like the impotent duck."
18. Compose a song entitled "The Makers of 'Crash' Are Theivin' Sons of Whoreson Bitches." Play it on the harmonica in their presence.
19. Ask them if they've heard from Marisa Tomei yet.
20. Tell them that, by and large, the members of the Academy are "part of what the French call 'les incompetents'."

 ;D ;D


Offline Krispera

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #1 on: Mar 08, 2006, 08:57 PM »

2. Hold their Oscar statuettes hostage; demand that they pay 1,963 million dollars (for the year Jack and Ennis met) to get them back. Once you have the money, keep the statuettes anyway, and tell them that "if you can't fix it, you've gotta stand it."
8. Dress up as sheep and camp out in front of their houses.
Bah "Yooooouu robbbbbed ussssss" until the police arrest you and take you away.

 ;D ;D



I like them so much ahahha, the sheep made me laught for like 5mins! Ahahah, can't believe someone made this!!  ;D

Offline ethan

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #2 on: Mar 08, 2006, 09:27 PM »
Too funny. Thanks for posting this for a good laugh.

Kids please don't try this at home ;D
Remembering Pierre (chameau) 1960-2015, a "Capricorn bro and crazy Frog Uncle from the North Pole." You are missed

Offline chameau

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #3 on: Mar 08, 2006, 09:36 PM »
Too funny. Thanks for posting this for a good laugh.

Kids please don't try this at home ;D

Wo! Wo! yeaaaaw!

I was already laughing so bad... Now Ethan I'm hilarious!

Yessss thanks for sharing this!  ;D
La dictature c'est ''ferme ta geule'', la démocratie c'est ''cause toujours''
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Offline rikcub

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #4 on: Mar 08, 2006, 09:46 PM »
I just found this on the net:



Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
The following list is meant satirically, and the author of the list does not encourage anyone to actually do any of these things.

1. Steal every can of food in their houses; replace them all with cans of beans.
2. Hold their Oscar statuettes hostage; demand that they pay 1,963 million dollars (for the year Jack and Ennis met) to get them back. Once you have the money, keep the statuettes anyway, and tell them that "if you can't fix it, you've gotta stand it."
3. Find out where they do their laundry. Spatter all their button-down shirts with dark red dye.
4. Change all their official information so that under "Occupation", it reads "Castratin' calves."
5. Hide an electronic device in their houses that will play "The Wings" non-stop until they find it.
6. If they order fish in a restaurant, sneak into the kitchen, steal their food, and replace it with a note that says "You didn't go up there to fish!"
7. Intercept their mail; find any letters they wrote to friends or family and stamp "Deceased" on them with a big red stamp. Then mail them back.
8. Dress up as sheep and camp out in front of their houses. Bah "Yooooouu robbbbbed ussssss" until the police arrest you and take you away.
9. Send a letter to a large newspaper under their name. In the letter, say that you (they) are having psychosomatic illnesses due to the guilt of winning the Oscar, and beg to be allowed to kiss Ang Lee's feet until the pain goes away.
10. Wait until Heath and Michelle's kid starts teething. Then make them babysit.
11. Spray-paint "Paul Haggis was here" on the door of a Mexican male brothel.
12. Wait until they sit down in a public place, then sit down next to them and put your feet in their lap. When they ask what you're doing, say "Trying to get a footrub, dummy."
13. Tell them your mama said the DVD of "Crash" is the devil's right hand.
14. Tell them that every time an undeserving movie wins Best Picture, God spawns a racist.
15. Send them bouquets of roses, with no stems. Tell them to stem the roses.
16. Convince Ted Casablanca to write an article entitled "Makers of 'Crash' Found in Orgy with Toothy Tile."
17. Tell them their movie "isn't the stud duck. It's more like the impotent duck."
18. Compose a song entitled "The Makers of 'Crash' Are Theivin' Sons of Whoreson Bitches." Play it on the harmonica in their presence.
19. Ask them if they've heard from Marisa Tomei yet.
20. Tell them that, by and large, the members of the Academy are "part of what the French call 'les incompetents'."

 ;D ;D



21.  Hide a tape recorder in their house...with a loop that, after 1-20 above, gently and lovingly keeps repeating " It could be like this, just like this always"  :o  ;D :o

Offline Cowboy Cody

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #5 on: Mar 08, 2006, 09:51 PM »
Ravenus - That FRIEND, is a classic post!

Thanks for making me spit my water! ;D
You were goin' up there to go fishin'....NO SHIT! GIMME SEX!

Offline frenchcda

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #6 on: Mar 08, 2006, 09:55 PM »
Consolation price to Brokeback Friends;  the Star Daily reported today that a jacket auctionned from the movie Crash gather 3,000.00 dollars us for the same Charity that have auctionned the 2 shirt of the movie Brokeback Mountain which brougth 100,000.00 for the same charity.
go figure
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Offline camom

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #7 on: Mar 09, 2006, 12:00 PM »
Consolation price to Brokeback Friends;  the Star Daily reported today that a jacket auctionned from the movie Crash gather 3,000.00 dollars us for the same Charity that have auctionned the 2 shirt of the movie Brokeback Mountain which brougth 100,000.00 for the same charity.
go figure
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Hahahahahaha!  That's the way to stick it to them.

Love the list--#8 and 15 are hilarious!

camom

Offline *Froggy*

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #8 on: Mar 09, 2006, 04:00 PM »
Too funny. Thanks for posting this for a good laugh.

Kids please don't try this at home ;D

hahahahaha!!!
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Offline cowgirl19

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #9 on: Mar 09, 2006, 07:04 PM »
Too funny.  Thanks for sharing
"Come on Ennis, you just shot my plane out a the sky!-give me somethin a go on.  This ain't no little thing that's happenin here"---Jack Twist

Ennis, weather-eyed, looked west for the heated cumulus that might come up on such a day but the boneless blue was so deep, said Jack, that he might drown looking up.

His shaking hand grazed Ennis's hand, electrical current snapped between them.

Offline rabjr1

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #10 on: Mar 10, 2006, 06:33 AM »
Force them into a timeshare from Hell: make each and everyone of them live with Roger Ebert for a week in rotation for the rest of their careets.  They can go mad from listening to his pompous ass as it spouts out drivel about how great their film was.
RAB aka Raoul The Really Rotten

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #11 on: Mar 10, 2006, 06:54 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Offline brokenheart5813

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #12 on: Mar 10, 2006, 08:29 AM »
Send them each a bottle of water with the label "Brokeback Stream Water - 100% pure - Chock Full O' Beaver Fever"
He pressed his face into the fabric and breathed in slowly through his mouth and nose, hoping for the faintest smoke and mountain sage and salty sweet stink of Jack but there was not real scent, only the memory of it, the imagined power of Brokeback Mountain of which nothing was left but what he held in his hands....

Offline Hurleycook

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #13 on: Mar 10, 2006, 06:50 PM »
“Sometimes people pretend to like movies more than they actually do,” said Richard Walter, who heads the screenwriting program at UCLA’s film school. “But this film wasn’t really THAT good. What it tried to do was great, sensational. But what it actually accomplished wasn’t so great. You can’t really buy the love story.”

This is my revenge:

You cannot be serious.  I don't have to "buy" this love story, I lived it.  The actors brought to life characters that were, as far as I read it, rather lifeless on the printed page.  What it tried to do it did so well that dilletantes to homosexual love such as yourself did not recognize the depth to which these actors, both Jake Gyllenhal and Heath Ledger, were able to do what NO OTHER ACTOR(s) ATTEMPTING TO PLAY SUCH A ROLE IN ANY SETTING ANYWHERE have ever been able to do, that is, to portray the characters in their role in such a way that together, synergystically, they express the feelings of every gay man who has ever fallen in love and then couldn't talk about it with anybody.  Your sophomoric dismissal of this as a "love story," as being something "you can't really buy," just tells me that your experience in this area is less than mature.  Clearly, all your accomplishments notwithstanding Mr. (Dr.)Clark, you haven't a clue. 

Offline chameau

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #14 on: Mar 10, 2006, 08:49 PM »
“Sometimes people pretend to like movies more than they actually do,” said Richard Walter, who heads the screenwriting program at UCLA’s film school. “But this film wasn’t really THAT good. What it tried to do was great, sensational. But what it actually accomplished wasn’t so great. You can’t really buy the love story.”

This is my revenge:

You cannot be serious.  I don't have to "buy" this love story, I lived it.  The actors brought to life characters that were, as far as I read it, rather lifeless on the printed page.  What it tried to do it did so well that dilletantes to homosexual love such as yourself did not recognize the depth to which these actors, both Jake Gyllenhal and Heath Ledger, were able to do what NO OTHER ACTOR(s) ATTEMPTING TO PLAY SUCH A ROLE IN ANY SETTING ANYWHERE have ever been able to do, that is, to portray the characters in their role in such a way that together, synergystically, they express the feelings of every gay man who has ever fallen in love and then couldn't talk about it with anybody.  Your sophomoric dismissal of this as a "love story," as being something "you can't really buy," just tells me that your experience in this area is less than mature.  Clearly, all your accomplishments notwithstanding Mr. (Dr.)Clark, you haven't a clue. 


Thanks for posting this Hurleycook but, I worry for you.  You just looked so upset, are you o.k.?
La dictature c'est ''ferme ta geule'', la démocratie c'est ''cause toujours''
 Jean-Louis Barrault

JerBear418720

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #15 on: Mar 12, 2006, 01:53 AM »
Call a bakery and have 200 cherry cakes sent to Paul Haggis' house COD.

JerBear418720

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #16 on: Mar 12, 2006, 02:03 AM »
Process Change of Address cards for everybody involved with Crash so that their mail is sent to:

GENERAL DELIVERY

LOS ANGELES, CA


Offline frenchcda

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #17 on: Mar 12, 2006, 05:48 AM »
Call a bakery and have 200 cherry cakes sent to Paul Haggis' house COD.

like your idea ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Offline LuvJackNasty

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Re: Ways to Seek Revenge on the Makers of "Crash"
« Reply #18 on: Mar 12, 2006, 06:57 PM »
Send them each a bottle of water with the label "Brokeback Stream Water - 100% pure - Chock Full O' Beaver Fever"

LMAO!  ;D

I LOVE the list!!!!
My favorites were #7, 11 & 15.
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You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us And the world will live as one ~ Imagine- J. Lennon