I watched it again last night. 4th time. I had several new awarenesses and my despair at the end of the movie was actually less than the other three times. I mean, I've realized that the movie is not going to change for me, no matter how much I want it to. It's going to be what it is, and so I was able to enjoy the first 2/3rds of it more - appreciating what they had, and enjoying the fun they shared.
But, I did have a new "aha" moment with 4th viewing:
For the first 2/3rds of the movie - until the painful last parting scene, I see Jack as the "keeper of the fire." He's the one initiating contact (with Ennis willingly joining him); he's the romantic one, who has more of a need for Ennis than Ennis has for him (this is debatable - but it's my take on it). It's Jack meeting Ennis on Ennis' terms.
THEN, the painful last parting scene, there is a shift: 1) Ennis finally admits his need for Jack, and
2) Jack finally gets kind of fed up with Ennis' unwillingness to be together. Jack begins an affair with the rancher. This affair is a big change. I mean it's that discussion about whether he gave up on Ennis or not (I don't think he did).
After that - it's ENNIS who initiates contact (when he doesn't hear from Jack). This is the first time he has initiated contact.
And then, [I hope I can put this into words]: even though Ennis knows that jack has been with another man - even planning a future with him possibly, Ennis' love for Jack is stronger than ever.
Macho Ennis - who has already told Jack he'd kill him if he knew he was with another man - DOES finally know, and it only makes him love Jack more!!!!! Ennis is finally meeting Jack on Jack's terms.
Who could have expected this from that young Ennis?
I hope this makes some kind of sense.